So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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