Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
