You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
