i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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