Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
