so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
