A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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