my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
