Yo dont text me then not text me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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