I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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