My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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