im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Michael Bay diarrhea
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
