My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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