Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
