It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
