her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
