I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
