in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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