Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
