I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i think i just lost a toe
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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