I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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