It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
