Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
