I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
