wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
