Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
