she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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