Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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