I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
