I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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