I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
