i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
