the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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