Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
