The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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