Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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