My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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