Quick, to the slutcave!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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