my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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