he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
