She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
