I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
