remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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