How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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