Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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