yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
