Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
