her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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