everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
