you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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