She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
