Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
