were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
