what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
