you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
