If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
