I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
