i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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