Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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