she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
