sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
