EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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