I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
