i barfeds in our rink
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
