I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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