There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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