I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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