He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
