the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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