i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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